I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
