Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i will never coherently bang her
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
