all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
