I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
