call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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