is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Are my feet made of real feet?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
