Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
