I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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