Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
