were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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