I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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