I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
