Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
