You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
