i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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