I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
