My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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