What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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