I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
