Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
