Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
