Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
