Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
