so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
