Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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