I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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