the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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