Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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