You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
