I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
