I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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