I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
