Duck Duck Cougar?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
