Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
