I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
