I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
