Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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