You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
