I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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