ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i dont even know how to be here
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize