The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
