Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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