my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
