I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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