Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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