i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
