Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
