i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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