Don't EVER smell your tampon
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
