so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
