i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
