we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
